July 27, 2010
Where my Stuffing got in the way of my Life
Every day we have the opportunity to look at life in a new way.
A couple friends of of mine recently posted disturbing videos to their Facebook pages. The first was a CNN piece about a woman who died in her house and had to be extracted through the roof because of extreme hoarding. The second was about a new show about people who hoard pets.
While recent media is highlighting the issue of hoarding (and I am very grateful they are) most people will look at the videos and say, "That is so sad." and then go one with the day.
I, however can't just move on. I have this thought process that stops me and asks,
"How does this apply to me?"
This is what I know:
Hoarding is NEVER about the stuff, animals, or whatever is being hoarded.
While hoarding is a compulsion, the compulsion is usually triggered through a life event. Hoarding is about trying to fill an emotional space, an unfilled expectation, or a need. The problem is that you can never have enough of what you don't really need. When the person is willing to look at the thought process or emotion of that life event, then he or she can start healing and will find that he or she is not compelled to hoard as often.
This is how it applies to me:
While I am a very organized person, I stuff in other areas. Usually when I want to say something, but don't feel it is appropriate, I put something in my mouth so the words won't escape.
All those eaten words have built up into a good fat layer all over my body. That fat has now made it so that I can't do all of the things that I once enjoyed. I am very self-conscious in social situations, especially ones involving swimsuits!
What I am going to do about it:
This is the hardest part. I get to be more social without involving food. Just typing those words makes me want to cry. When I have been blessed to work with people who hoard they say they feel naked when the stuff is removed. Am I willing to feel naked?
What are you stuffing that is getting in the way of your life?