July 27, 2010

Where my Stuffing got in the way of my Life

Every day we have the opportunity to look at life in a new way.

A couple friends of of mine recently posted disturbing videos to their Facebook pages. The first was a CNN piece about a woman who died in her house and had to be extracted through the roof because of extreme hoarding. The second was about a new show about people who hoard pets.

While recent media is highlighting the issue of hoarding (and I am very grateful they are) most people will look at the videos and say, "That is so sad." and then go one with the day.

I, however can't just move on. I have this thought process that stops me and asks,

"How does this apply to me?"

This is what I know:

Hoarding is NEVER about the stuff, animals, or whatever is being hoarded.

While hoarding is a compulsion, the compulsion is usually triggered through a life event. Hoarding is about trying to fill an emotional space, an unfilled expectation, or a need. The problem is that you can never have enough of what you don't really need.  When the person is willing to look at the thought process or emotion of that life event, then he or she can start healing and will find that he or she is not compelled to hoard as often.

This is how it applies to me:

While I am a very organized person, I stuff in other areas. Usually when I want to say something, but don't feel it is appropriate, I put something in my mouth so the words won't escape. 

All those eaten words have built up into a good fat layer all over my body. That fat has now made it so that I can't do all of the things that I once enjoyed. I am very self-conscious in social situations, especially ones involving swimsuits!

What I am going to do about it:

This is the hardest part. I get to be more social without involving food. Just typing those words makes me want to cry. When I have been blessed to work with people who hoard they say they feel naked when the stuff is removed. Am I willing to feel naked?

What are you stuffing that is getting in the way of your life?

July 22, 2010

Perfectionist Tendencies, Anyone?

I have a confession.  I have been the proud owner of this Blog for more than a year.  


That's right, my first.  Well, that is not entirely true.  I have written a couple of times, then quickly left them in the drafts folder to marinate for a few months...because words typed on a computer could get better with time and no editing.   (psst...Doesn't happen)

Why would I have a blog for a year and never publish?  Well, a few friends asked me to start blogging. I thought it was a good idea, so I got a domain name that fits with my life and philosophy. (More about that later)  Then I sat down to write and panicked.

You see, I am what most people would call a perfectionist.  I would love my world to be perfect.  I would love it if everything in my house worked in perfect order all the time.  I would love it if my children picked up after themselves every day.  I would even love it if I understood Algebra perfectly so that I could get a perfect 4.0 (Did I mention I went back to college recently?)  I would even love it my laundry were done every day and my car was detailed to the nth degree (apparently the Algebra is starting to sink in!)

So, with my blog I did what any self-respecting perfectionist would do.  In this past year I have read blogs, thought about blogs and obsessed about what I would write on my blog.  I completely intimidated myself.  I started thinking about what my blog would be a year from now.  I started waiting for the PERFECT solution.  I waited for the PERFECT topic.  I waited for the PERFECT person to write it.  I compared what I thought my blog would be to all the blogs I was reading and always came up short.

Little tip: 
You can't compare what isn't to what is, you will ALWAYS come up short.

So why did I finally post?  I stopped waiting for perfect to happen and decided that you get me just the way I am.  Imperfections and all, because sometimes good enough is perfect.